THE RHINO: 1249 Queen Street West - (416) 535-8089

We were walking along Queen Street one day when I turned to Jessica and said "I really like the name 'The Rhino'.  It evokes the kind of imagery I want when I think of a pub.  The leathery feel of rhinoceros skin, the dark grey colour palate, its wise and ferocious demeanor, I don't know why but for a pubs name, it totally does it for me."

This is normally the moment when Jessica rolls her eyes and mutters something about marrying a man who rarely has anything interesting to say.  She's a bit like Ursula from One Hundred Years of Solitude.  But this time, to my amazement, she agrees!

"I know!  It's a great name.  But most of all its the kind of name you can say to your friends and feel cool.  Like 'Hey Todd, I'll meet you at The Rhino!'.  It's way better than saying I'll meet you at the Fluttering Dandelion.  Know what I mean?"

"Who's Todd?"

She doesn't reply.  Shes loves me but she hates my jokes.  But she secretly LOVES my jokes too.

We had visited The Rhino earlier that week.  Neither of us had ever been, it was a snowy day, and pub food seemed like the perfect match to our mood.  We invited our friends Aaron Doyle, art director from Young and Rubicam, and his new fiance and graphic designer extraordinaire Cassie Radstaak.  I first met Aaron years ago when he was an AD at Doug Agency (now doug & serge).  We were both starting out so we worked on a few projects together that turned into amazing experiences, successful campaigns, and awesome portfolio pieces to boot!  Along with his writing partner Matt Beasant, we often frequent what is perhaps the best pub in Toronto: The House on Parliament.  So going out for pub food that evening seemed perfectly in keeping with our ways.

When we arrived attendance was pretty sparse.  The pub boasts lots of tables but there were maybe 10 people seated.  No biggie really.  It was a Tuesday night and really, who goes to a pub on a Tuesday night?

Our appetizer plate

The server came over quickly, took our drink orders and gave us menus.  To my surprise, The Rhino is both a pub and a traditional French restaurant.  On the menu were french staples like Coq au Vin and Steak Frites.  I wasn't particularly in the mood for French cooking but I had my fingers crossed that one of my dinner guests would sample a dish.  Jessica was in a typical pub food mood and ordered the burger.  Aaron felt the same but he ordered the cheeseburger.  I ordered the special of the night which was a steak and bean burrito and salad.  Cassie, being the wonderful person that she is, saved the day and ordered the Streak Frites.  But to start we ordered a sampler appetizer dish for 4 people which included some chicken and shrimp skewers, deep fried calimari,  and bruchetta.

Jessicas burger and fries

So lets start with the appetizer.  If you've ever been to a wedding you already know exactly what the skewers tasted like.  Perfectly fine!  Absolutely nothing wrong with 'em.  Nothing particularly great about them either, but definitely nothing amiss.  Same could really be said about the deep fried calamari and the bruschetta.  It was perfectly okay!

The burgers and fries arrived first and they looked great!  Both Aaron and Jessica took a bite at the same time and, when I asked how they tasted they replied..."good".  Good.  That's never a good sign.  Especially since a burger tastes its best upon first bite.  By the end of the meal both Aaron and Jess agreed that the beef was good but the bun was pretty cheap and the fries were just ok.  When I asked how they might rate their meal out of five they both replied "two and a half".  Fair nuf!

My steak and bean burrito with salad

My burrito was also, umm, good.  I suppose.  It was small.  When Aaron saw it he joked that it looked like a slightly pudgy spring roll.  The first bite was pretty bland however the taste improved as I ate, but not by much.  It came with a salad but really, I can barely remember it.  It was your typical pub salad; an afterthought.

The real surprise of the night came with Cassie's streak frites.  She ordered it done medium and it arrived perfectly pink.  The seasonings and the accompanying peppercorn sauce were great and not overdone so you could still taste the beef itself.  It boasted some handsome grill marks and  paired well with the fries and vegetables.  For a pub steak, it was pretty impressive.  Needless to say she finished the whole thing and we were all a little jealous.  When I asked her to rate her steak out of five, she gave it a four. 

The winner of the night.  Cassie's steak frites

So I suppose the lesson here is....when you attend a pub that fancies itself to be a traditional French restaurant, regardless of how pubby the atmosphere may be, order the traditional French dishes.  However be wary about translating that advice to other real life situations.  Like when your dentist fancies himself to be a modern dancer.  Martha Graham style.  Yeah.  If he offers you tickets to his one-night-only performance at the community center, more often than not you should decline.  Unless he gives you the gas before the performance, then it might be fun.  Might be.

Like I said, Jessica secretly LOVES my jokes.

Rating:  3

CHERRY BOMB COFFEE: 79 Roncesvalles Avenue Toronto - (416) 516-8212

Bikes on the wall at Cherry Bomb

I often photograph for Toronto Life magazine and for a while have been suggesting to my higher-ups that contributors should make a list of their favourite places in Toronto.  The logic being that people who contribute to Toronto Life spend a lot of time thinking about the city and probably have some great suggestions.  Perhaps these lists could be published on the blog, perhaps a column every month in the mag, who knows.  I will admit that I have spent a little time thinking about the list I would make.  So I thought, to start off this review, I would share my top 3 favourite Toronto places with you.

#1:  Tom's Dairy Freeze:  My favourite place in Toronto.  It brings me back to a childhood that I'm not sure I actually experienced.  But nevertheless it still gives me a warm nostalgic hug each time I visit and try their ice cream, hot dogs, and burgers.  When I'm sitting with Jessica on those picnic table in front on a breezy summer day, I never want to leave.

#2:  Ward's Island:  Step off the ferry onto the island and you immediately feel 15 lbs lighter.  I love that place so much I proposed to Jessica on the Ward's Island beach in May and we're getting married at the association clubhouse to boot!

#3:  Cherry Bomb Coffee:  See below.

It's so much more difficult to write a review of a place that you truly love.  Sentences start out fluid and generally coherent but eventually turn into illiterate, juvenile, Turrets-syndrome-like babble.  An example...

The frothiness of a Cherry Bomb latte adds a certain quality to the flavour that just makes it like the most amazing bestest thing I've ever tasted in like....oh my god it's like...fuck fuck amazing fuck shit fuck!!!!

See?

So perhaps lets avoid that by writing about my favourite menu items in point form, shall we?

The coffee at Cherry Bomb is brilliant...

The lattes and the cappuccinos:  Best in Toronto.  Jet Fuel is close second but I prefer CBs!  Temperature is always perfect.  Strong enough without being overpowering.  It has the perfect amount of frothiness and, most importantly, the people who serve the frothy coffee are so darn attractive that you will probably develop a crush on every barista in the joint! Not attractive in that international model way but rather, well...if you're hosting a party and you stop by for a quick latte you will most certainly have the urge to invite all the employees to your party.  If they attended, the party would be just fantastic and they would get along famously with all your friends...no matter how horrible your friends might be.

The Almond Croissants:  I actually fantasize about these things.  Sometimes on a Saturday morning I rise early so I can be sure to arrive before 10am which usually when the first batch of almost croissants are all done.  When that happens you have to wait for at least an hour for the next batch.  Sure the regular and chocolate croissants are great there as well, but the almond croissants are the bees knees!  One more thing:  If you are so fortunate as to arrive when the almond croissants have just come out of the oven, drop to your knees and thanks Jesus, Allah, Jehovah, Vishnu, Richard Dawkins, David Icke, Alex Jones, your sexual prowess, Glenn Beck, or whatever higher power you regularly worship. 

...and the staff is just dog-gone attractive!

The Mixed Berry Muffin:  Lets face it friends, we normally hate small crunchy things in our muffins. Well at least I usually don't much care for it.  Sure they may give us that reassurance that we are ingesting something else but pure carbohydrates, but really they usually just annoy me.  Cherry Bomb's muffins are different.  I'm not really quite sure how they do it but the grains and nuts and other crunchy bits blend so nicely into the textures and flavours that you couldn't imagine the muffin without 'em.  The fruits in the muffins are sweet without being too sweet (yes I'm looking at you Starbucks muffins) and the top of the muffin has just the right amount of crunch.  Really, its almost the perfect muffin.

The Scones: Jess is more of a scone fan than I am.  She usually orders the date scone on every visit.  It gives me such pleasure to hear her belt out a luxurious moan following by an almost exhausted sigh after the first bite of her date scone on a Saturday morning.  I've had a few bites as well and even I think they're delicious...and I don't even like scones very much!

The Coffee Beans:  Delicious.  All the blends.  But we have a special place in our hearts for Extra Butter.

The Design Aesthetic:   Unique and beautifully done!  Stylish while still being homey and inviting.

I could go on, but I think I'll leave it here.  I love this place and writing this review felt great.  After so many restaurants in Parkdale were relatively average or missed the mark, it feels great to award Cherry Bomb the first perfect score.   Maybe if the staff see this review they'll want to come to my parties.  Eeeeeeeee!!!! 

Rating:  5