THE RHINO: 1249 Queen Street West - (416) 535-8089

We were walking along Queen Street one day when I turned to Jessica and said "I really like the name 'The Rhino'.  It evokes the kind of imagery I want when I think of a pub.  The leathery feel of rhinoceros skin, the dark grey colour palate, its wise and ferocious demeanor, I don't know why but for a pubs name, it totally does it for me."

This is normally the moment when Jessica rolls her eyes and mutters something about marrying a man who rarely has anything interesting to say.  She's a bit like Ursula from One Hundred Years of Solitude.  But this time, to my amazement, she agrees!

"I know!  It's a great name.  But most of all its the kind of name you can say to your friends and feel cool.  Like 'Hey Todd, I'll meet you at The Rhino!'.  It's way better than saying I'll meet you at the Fluttering Dandelion.  Know what I mean?"

"Who's Todd?"

She doesn't reply.  Shes loves me but she hates my jokes.  But she secretly LOVES my jokes too.

We had visited The Rhino earlier that week.  Neither of us had ever been, it was a snowy day, and pub food seemed like the perfect match to our mood.  We invited our friends Aaron Doyle, art director from Young and Rubicam, and his new fiance and graphic designer extraordinaire Cassie Radstaak.  I first met Aaron years ago when he was an AD at Doug Agency (now doug & serge).  We were both starting out so we worked on a few projects together that turned into amazing experiences, successful campaigns, and awesome portfolio pieces to boot!  Along with his writing partner Matt Beasant, we often frequent what is perhaps the best pub in Toronto: The House on Parliament.  So going out for pub food that evening seemed perfectly in keeping with our ways.

When we arrived attendance was pretty sparse.  The pub boasts lots of tables but there were maybe 10 people seated.  No biggie really.  It was a Tuesday night and really, who goes to a pub on a Tuesday night?

Our appetizer plate

The server came over quickly, took our drink orders and gave us menus.  To my surprise, The Rhino is both a pub and a traditional French restaurant.  On the menu were french staples like Coq au Vin and Steak Frites.  I wasn't particularly in the mood for French cooking but I had my fingers crossed that one of my dinner guests would sample a dish.  Jessica was in a typical pub food mood and ordered the burger.  Aaron felt the same but he ordered the cheeseburger.  I ordered the special of the night which was a steak and bean burrito and salad.  Cassie, being the wonderful person that she is, saved the day and ordered the Streak Frites.  But to start we ordered a sampler appetizer dish for 4 people which included some chicken and shrimp skewers, deep fried calimari,  and bruchetta.

Jessicas burger and fries

So lets start with the appetizer.  If you've ever been to a wedding you already know exactly what the skewers tasted like.  Perfectly fine!  Absolutely nothing wrong with 'em.  Nothing particularly great about them either, but definitely nothing amiss.  Same could really be said about the deep fried calamari and the bruschetta.  It was perfectly okay!

The burgers and fries arrived first and they looked great!  Both Aaron and Jessica took a bite at the same time and, when I asked how they tasted they replied..."good".  Good.  That's never a good sign.  Especially since a burger tastes its best upon first bite.  By the end of the meal both Aaron and Jess agreed that the beef was good but the bun was pretty cheap and the fries were just ok.  When I asked how they might rate their meal out of five they both replied "two and a half".  Fair nuf!

My steak and bean burrito with salad

My burrito was also, umm, good.  I suppose.  It was small.  When Aaron saw it he joked that it looked like a slightly pudgy spring roll.  The first bite was pretty bland however the taste improved as I ate, but not by much.  It came with a salad but really, I can barely remember it.  It was your typical pub salad; an afterthought.

The real surprise of the night came with Cassie's streak frites.  She ordered it done medium and it arrived perfectly pink.  The seasonings and the accompanying peppercorn sauce were great and not overdone so you could still taste the beef itself.  It boasted some handsome grill marks and  paired well with the fries and vegetables.  For a pub steak, it was pretty impressive.  Needless to say she finished the whole thing and we were all a little jealous.  When I asked her to rate her steak out of five, she gave it a four. 

The winner of the night.  Cassie's steak frites

So I suppose the lesson here is....when you attend a pub that fancies itself to be a traditional French restaurant, regardless of how pubby the atmosphere may be, order the traditional French dishes.  However be wary about translating that advice to other real life situations.  Like when your dentist fancies himself to be a modern dancer.  Martha Graham style.  Yeah.  If he offers you tickets to his one-night-only performance at the community center, more often than not you should decline.  Unless he gives you the gas before the performance, then it might be fun.  Might be.

Like I said, Jessica secretly LOVES my jokes.

Rating:  3

CHERRY BOMB COFFEE: 79 Roncesvalles Avenue Toronto - (416) 516-8212

Bikes on the wall at Cherry Bomb

I often photograph for Toronto Life magazine and for a while have been suggesting to my higher-ups that contributors should make a list of their favourite places in Toronto.  The logic being that people who contribute to Toronto Life spend a lot of time thinking about the city and probably have some great suggestions.  Perhaps these lists could be published on the blog, perhaps a column every month in the mag, who knows.  I will admit that I have spent a little time thinking about the list I would make.  So I thought, to start off this review, I would share my top 3 favourite Toronto places with you.

#1:  Tom's Dairy Freeze:  My favourite place in Toronto.  It brings me back to a childhood that I'm not sure I actually experienced.  But nevertheless it still gives me a warm nostalgic hug each time I visit and try their ice cream, hot dogs, and burgers.  When I'm sitting with Jessica on those picnic table in front on a breezy summer day, I never want to leave.

#2:  Ward's Island:  Step off the ferry onto the island and you immediately feel 15 lbs lighter.  I love that place so much I proposed to Jessica on the Ward's Island beach in May and we're getting married at the association clubhouse to boot!

#3:  Cherry Bomb Coffee:  See below.

It's so much more difficult to write a review of a place that you truly love.  Sentences start out fluid and generally coherent but eventually turn into illiterate, juvenile, Turrets-syndrome-like babble.  An example...

The frothiness of a Cherry Bomb latte adds a certain quality to the flavour that just makes it like the most amazing bestest thing I've ever tasted in like....oh my god it's like...fuck fuck amazing fuck shit fuck!!!!

See?

So perhaps lets avoid that by writing about my favourite menu items in point form, shall we?

The coffee at Cherry Bomb is brilliant...

The lattes and the cappuccinos:  Best in Toronto.  Jet Fuel is close second but I prefer CBs!  Temperature is always perfect.  Strong enough without being overpowering.  It has the perfect amount of frothiness and, most importantly, the people who serve the frothy coffee are so darn attractive that you will probably develop a crush on every barista in the joint! Not attractive in that international model way but rather, well...if you're hosting a party and you stop by for a quick latte you will most certainly have the urge to invite all the employees to your party.  If they attended, the party would be just fantastic and they would get along famously with all your friends...no matter how horrible your friends might be.

The Almond Croissants:  I actually fantasize about these things.  Sometimes on a Saturday morning I rise early so I can be sure to arrive before 10am which usually when the first batch of almost croissants are all done.  When that happens you have to wait for at least an hour for the next batch.  Sure the regular and chocolate croissants are great there as well, but the almond croissants are the bees knees!  One more thing:  If you are so fortunate as to arrive when the almond croissants have just come out of the oven, drop to your knees and thanks Jesus, Allah, Jehovah, Vishnu, Richard Dawkins, David Icke, Alex Jones, your sexual prowess, Glenn Beck, or whatever higher power you regularly worship. 

...and the staff is just dog-gone attractive!

The Mixed Berry Muffin:  Lets face it friends, we normally hate small crunchy things in our muffins. Well at least I usually don't much care for it.  Sure they may give us that reassurance that we are ingesting something else but pure carbohydrates, but really they usually just annoy me.  Cherry Bomb's muffins are different.  I'm not really quite sure how they do it but the grains and nuts and other crunchy bits blend so nicely into the textures and flavours that you couldn't imagine the muffin without 'em.  The fruits in the muffins are sweet without being too sweet (yes I'm looking at you Starbucks muffins) and the top of the muffin has just the right amount of crunch.  Really, its almost the perfect muffin.

The Scones: Jess is more of a scone fan than I am.  She usually orders the date scone on every visit.  It gives me such pleasure to hear her belt out a luxurious moan following by an almost exhausted sigh after the first bite of her date scone on a Saturday morning.  I've had a few bites as well and even I think they're delicious...and I don't even like scones very much!

The Coffee Beans:  Delicious.  All the blends.  But we have a special place in our hearts for Extra Butter.

The Design Aesthetic:   Unique and beautifully done!  Stylish while still being homey and inviting.

I could go on, but I think I'll leave it here.  I love this place and writing this review felt great.  After so many restaurants in Parkdale were relatively average or missed the mark, it feels great to award Cherry Bomb the first perfect score.   Maybe if the staff see this review they'll want to come to my parties.  Eeeeeeeee!!!! 

Rating:  5

BACCHUS ROTI SHOP: 1376 Queen Street West - (416) 532-8191

Outside Bacchus Roti

"Yeah.  I'm not going in there." my fiance Jessica said as we peered inside the window of a Parkdale restaurant that looked, well, less than reputable.  I think she may have been put off by the complete lack of patrons, the 5 year old boy sitting alone and staring at a TV, and the stacks of clear storage bins filled with clothing lining the walls next to the tables.

"Are you sure?" I said.

"Yeah, lets just go get some roti.  I'm starving."

I understood her completely.  The first casualty of hunger is adventure.  It's probably why hamburgers are so popular.  Alas dear readers, that intriguing (or shitty looking, depending on your point of view) restaurant will have to wait for another time.  Maybe I'll save it for a dinner with MT and ABM. 

So that's how we found ourselves at  little roti shop on Queen West called Bacchus Roti.  It was a darling little restaurant with over-sized lamps hanging above a single line of tables that led to the counter at the back.  It's the kind of restaurant where you order at the counter regardless of whether you're staying or going.  The menu was written out on the chalkboard to the left of the counter and you can peer into the kitchen and watch the cooks prepare the rotis if you're so inclined. 

The ordering counter

We were greeted by a lovely man who suggested a few dishes that the restaurant does best.  To start we ordered a plate of sweet potato fries because they were out of samosas.  For the mains I ordered the spinach, squash and channa (chickpea) roti and Jessica ordered the curried chicken roti with spinach, squash and potato.

Our entire order arrived super quick and looking fine.  The sweet potato fries were served with a honey mustard dip which was a bit of a revelation to us.  It pairs beautifully, far better than ketchup.  They were delicious with just the right amount of salt.  We gobbled them all up real quick.

Jessica's curried chicken roti

My spinach, squash and chickpea roti was ok at first but improved with each bite.  It didn't arrive as hot as I would have liked but aside from that it was pretty good.  Upon first and second bite I didn't strike me as anything special but I quickly realised that I was only getting the spinach and the chickpea.  On my third bite, when a big chunk of squash snuck in there, the flavours all came together reasonably well.  The roti wrap was ok but nothing special.  Definitely not as tasty as Mother India from a while back.  There was a distinct lack of crisp to this one.

Jessica's curried chicken roti was about the same.  Hers was pippin' hot, the chicken was nicely cooked, and the flavours blended well together.  It was actually a bit better than mine since the chicken cut that soggy and slightly fishy taste cooked spinach can often have if there's too much of it bunched together.  Jess really appreciated the fresh ingredients and it's speedy arrival to the table however she thought it was lacking a bit in the flavour department.  I completely agree!  But perhaps I've been unfairly biased towards Mother India's rotis since I enjoyed it so much...and those were just bursting with strong flavours!

Peanut Butter Star

For desert we ate a peanut butter star which is basically a peanut butter cookie with less sugar than usual and baked in a pastry.  It was fantastic!!!  Really dense and sweet and full of flavour.  Jess and I devoured it even though we weren't hungry at all at the end of the meal.  Also, I just wanted to say that I really appreciate inexpensive desert options!  To me, that's a huge plus.  Our peanut butter star cost two bucks!

So all in all a good meal.  I wouldn't say a great meal but a good one!  Mother India is still winning the Parkdale roti wars but there are still many competitors to come.

Rating: 3.5

LEE'S THAI SPRING ROLL: 1512 Queen Street West - 416-532-2877

Outside Lee's Thai
Spring Roll restaurant

Remember the time when movie director Tim Burton used to be great?  For me, I mark Sleepy Hollow as the turning point.  Before that movie his career was on such an upward trajectory.  With amazing movies like Edward Scissorhands, Batman, Ed Wood, Beetlejuice, it seemed like the man could do no wrong.  I remember seeing Sleepy Hollow and, in addition to being amazingly bored throughout, thinking that he's starting to turn into a parody of himself.  His subsequent movies like Planet of the Apes, Corpse Bride, and Sweeny Todd seemed to prove me right (however, like most men I know, I have a weak spot for Big Fish...but its hardly a classic).  Then came along the movie that, if you asked me in 1998, I would have said he was born to make: Alice in Wonderland.  Based on Lewis Carroll's classic book for both children and adults, he's working with such amazingly rich and layered subject matter.  Its a sure fire deal.  So Jess and I got some Thai/Malaysian fusion takeout from Lee's Thai Spring Roll and sat down in front of the TV to watch what promised to be Tim Burton's Citizen Kane.

It wasn't.  It was awful.

Mango Chicken

And so was Lee's Thai Spring Roll.

Although Lee's Thai Spring Roll wasn't as horrible as Alice in Wonderland, but that's not saying much.

It pains me to write bad reviews.  I started this blog because I love my neighbourhood and eating at restaurants and I wanted to find those hidden gems that I might otherwise walk past.  Those alleyway restaurants that look like shit on the outside but serve food that tastes like heaven.  But I'm sorry Lee's Thai Spring Roll, we gave you TWO tries and both times you seriously disappointed. 

Tofu and Asparagus with
Mushroom Soya Sauce

Jess and I had eaten there a few months before I started this blog and we remembered the food as being, well, pretty crappy.  However we thought it might have just been comparatively crappy.  We often eat from The Friendly Thai on Roncesvalles and have our usual orders pretty well set there.  And for our first visit to Lee's Thai Spring Roll, we basically ordered the same thing we usually order at The Friendly Thai.  In comparison it failed in every way.  But really, that's not fair.  Restaurants should be judged on their stand alone merits, no?  Perhaps we were just demanding that over-sugared curried phad thai that The Friendly Thai does so well.  So for this visit, we ordered from the "Chef Recommends" portion of the menu and tried a few items we had never tried before.  I mean if the chef specifically recommends these dishes, they have to be the best dishes of the house, no?

The free Phad Thai

So we ordered the following: a Tom Yum Noodle Soup with seafood which is basically a soup with rice noodle, lemon grass, lime juice, and chili; Tofu and Asparagus with Mushroom Soya Sauce; the Mango Chicken dish which is lightly stir-fried chicken and shrimp with slices of fresh mangos and assorted vegetables.  We also ordered a couple of spring rolls and got a free Phad Thai as a reward for not eating at the restaurant and spending more than 35 bucks, I think.

Hmmm....writing a bad review is hard.  Its so much easier to discuss the qualities you like rather than the what you disliked.  I suppose I'll start off with the only dish that wasn't bad...the Tom Yum Noodle Soup.  It was a pretty nice soup, nothing great, but really packed with flavour.  Often soups with lemon grass can be overpowering but this one managed to walk that fine line between being full flavoured while not being overpowering.  The seafood in the soup was ok but nothing particularly spectacular.  Unfortunately the whole meal went downhill from there.

The decor.

The mango chicken dish was awful.  Sour and flavourless at the same time (yeah I didn't know that was possible either!!!).  The accompanying vegetables were way overcooked and the "fresh" mango was hardly fresh and cooked to shit as well!  The tofu and asparagus dish was almost passable but it lacked anything memorable.  There wasn't a hint of mushroom flavour anywhere to be found in the "mushroom soya sauce" (which makes it just soya sauce), the deep fried tofu looked old and tasted bland, and the asparagus was undercooked.  And the free phad thai?  The one Thai dish that is reeeeeeaaaaallllly difficult to screw up?  Well there's no other way of saying this so I'll just say it.  It tasted like baby vomit.  A horrible mix of peanut flavouring, Gerber baby food, and bile.  Honestly that's the best way I can describe it.  Really awful.

I'm sorry Lee's Thai Spring Roll.  Please don't hate me.  I'm sure you have a wonderful personality (and actually the decor in the restaurant was lovely). We might go see another Tim Burton movie, but we definitely won't be visiting you again.  I believe there are far better Thai food options in our neighbourhood.  And stay tuned for those!

Rating: 1.5

CAFE POLONEZ: 195 Roncesvalles Avenue - (416)-532-8432

Jess and Craig outside the restaurant

I'm sitting in the departures terminal now trying my best not to vomit out of sheer panic and depression.  There's a huge snowstorm happening in Toronto and I have to get on a plane that will somehow navigate its way through it without crashing into the side of a mountain.  I'm on my way to visit my dad who recently bought a house in, and here's the depressing part, the worst state of the Unites States.......Florida.  Otherwise affectionately coined by Homer Simpson as "Americas Wang"

I knew this would happen which is why I visited two places last week so I might have something to do while I'm there.  I've never really cared much for the beach or even warm weather...and really there's nothing else that Naples, Florida offers.

So today, faithful readers, lets discuss Polish food.  What's the first thing that comes to mind when I say the phrase "Polish food"?  To me, its a scene in the sub-par movie Everything Is Illuminated based on the slightly above-par book of the same name by Jonathan Safran Foer.  The main character Jonathan sits down in a Polish restaurant at a hotel and tries to explain to his interpreter, the interpreters father, and to the waitress that he is a vegetarian.  As you might imagine, it doesn't go as smoothly as you might think.  Here's the scene.

Jess eyeing Craig suspiciously while enjoying her rye bread.

With that in mind Jess and I visited Cafe Polonez on Roncesvalles and we brought along our good friend Craig Irving, possibly the least qualified individual to write restaurant reviews.  Craig is one of those characters who is amazingly picky about his food.  He's got weird hang-ups about certain things (like the sound of ketchup squirting from a bottle, mayonaise in general, really any type of sauce that can be made into a puddle).    However over the past few years he's made a strong effort to try as many new things as possible and his palate seems to be expanding slowly but surely.

Cheddar and potato perogies

When we first entered the place I was immediately struck by the decor.  It swept me back to my last trip to Poland in 2002.  The decor of Polish restaurants seem to find themselves in at the center of a triangularity between Medieval Times, the cafeteria at a retirement lodge, and a ski-chalet from  a medium-budget 80s porn film.  Very woody.  And more often than not in Canadian Polish restaurants, very fake woody.  Its awesome in every way!

Rye bread and butter

We are greeted by a lovely waitress and, as instructed, we sit anywhere we like.  Lucky for me I don't have to ask the waitress what the restaurant does best as the menu already has a marking next to the items that are known as customer favourites and house specialties.  We decide to start off by spliting a plate of cheddar and potato perogies served with sour cream.  I noticed that "pan fried" was an option for perogies but unfortunately I forget to mention it to our waitress and they arrive regular - along with an unpretentious plate of rye bread and butter.  They're both delicious, especially the perogies.  Like just really great perogies.  Indistinguishable from perogies from Poland...in fact, even a little better than I remembered. 

...
Ok fast forward a few days.  I thought I would be sufficiently bored in Florida that it would inspire me to write more blog posts.  It didn't happen.  Writing about Polish food in Florida is kinda like trying to write a sex column at your grandmothers funeral.  Your mood is so far away from your subject matter that you just can't even begin to form a coherent thought.  However I'm at the airport now on my way back to Toronto, and I'm feeling ok.

Cabbage Rolls

For my main I decide on a "customer favourite" cabbage rolls stuffed with rice and pork topped with tomato sauce.  It was good.  Not amazing, but good.  Usually cabbage rolls are stuffed pretty tight with whatever innards they choose that day but this one was fairly loose.  The flavours were fairly standard.  Nothing particularly complex here but you wouldn't really expect more from Polish food.  My side, which were the same sides my dinner-mates received, were kinda disappointing.  The carrots were waaaayyyy overcooked and not in that sweet awww-bubella kind of way that Eastern European cultures usually overcook their vegetables.  No the carrots were so overcooked that you could mash them into a puree without much effort.  Also on the plate was a beet salad and a cole slaw, both of which were pretty good.  The potatoes would have been entirely forgetful had it not included some fresh dill sprinkled on top of em.  For those of you who might not know, the smell of fresh dill inspires something fierce in us Jewish folk.  The smell alone could cause the most staunch atheist like me to stand on a table, peer down at a photo of my nephew, and start singing in the most Judaic and melancholic of melodies "Is this the little boy I carried....".  Unfortunately that feeling ended with the smell.  The potatoes themselves just kinda sucked.

Pork Loin in a horseradish
cream sauce

Craigs ordered a roast chicken meal with the same sides as me.  Sure it was moist, which is usually half the battle with chicken, and salty but didn't really ring anything memorable.  But Craig seemed to like it.  No complaints from him.  Jessica got the best meal of the bunch.  She had the roast pork loin in a horseradish cream sauce and fuck, it was great.  I'm all for subtlety, please, don't get me wrong.  But sometimes you really want to taste the horseradish!  And man, the horseradish in this dish just blasted through.  It was awesome.  The pork loin was reasonably well cooked.  But really the star for this dish was the horseradish cream sauce.  I could bathe in that stuff.  It was the star of the night.

Homemade apple cake
with ice cream

For desert we ordered a house specialty again which was a homemade apple cake with ice cream and it was lovely.  We all shared it and we all seemed to really like it.  I mean its hard to go wrong with cooked apples in cake form surrounded by ice cream but it this was the dish that really tasted like all eastern european food should taste like:  unpretentious whole-hearted love. Like a really big warm hug when you need it most.

On a whole, Cafe Polonez did seem to do its thing well.  Its very polish and seemed to hit many of the marks.  However it did lack something in the, and it pains me to write this, love department.  I don't mean for this to sound cheesy or pretentious but really, with this kind of food, there needs to be something inexplicable that really touches the heart and soul.  Flavours that can endure the centuries of conflict and flux that always seems to fall in Polands lap.  Flavours that keep you warm, even when its a cold dish.  Cafe Polonez hits the mark occasionally but really missed that mark where it really counted,  at least for me.  But maybe its different for others.

Rating:  3

MITZI'S SISTER: 1554 Queen Street West - (416) 532-2570

Jess in front!  Smokers in the back.

I know, I know.  It's Mitzi's Sister.  Did I really start a blog so I could be writing a review of a very popular place to eat, drink, see music, etc.  Not really.  I started this blog to try out the places I would never go on my own.  But please, let me explain….

Ok.  So my best friend Tristen (AKA Papercrown) just got a job in Washington D.C. as a web developer at this legendary company called Development Seed.  I was feeling sad and nostalgic and I offered to drive him to DC.  He told me he didn't have much stuff, which he didn't, but I forgot to take into account that I had a really small car.  So we spent about three hours in the freezing cold trying to stuff my Subaru Impreza hatchback with more stuff than it could handle.  I was getting stressssssed!  I imagined having to drive 11 hours with no back or side windows.  I mean the fucking car has enough of a blind spot but now I was gonna have to drive 11 hours with the whole thing as one big blind spot!  And understandable, Tristen was getting stressed which was transferring over to me very quickly.

I finally got home at around 8:30pm to the warm hugs of my fiance Jess.  There was nothing to eat in the house so we decided to go out for a bite.  She looked at me in that "I know you're stressed and I'm going to make sure you get anything and everything you want" kind of way and asked "What do you want to eat?  We can go anywhere you want!  Anywhere at all".

My Beautiful Burger

Without missing a step. 

BURGER!

Oh the burger!  That wonderful glorious meat sandwich that always shows up just when you most need it.  Its kind of like a GST cheque in that way.  What is it about a burger that just transports you back to a time when you didn't have to drive a Subaru Blindspot 11 hours to Washington with a stressed out best friend.  Oh god, bless you Burger!  You never seem to let me down.  Your warmth, your slightly offbeat humour (aka: mustard and pickles!), I will always love you.  And I seriously mean that.  Burger, if you ever ordered me to sacrifice my first-born son, I probably wouldn't do it but I would give it some solid consideration.

"Let's go to Mitzi's Sister.  It's really close and I'm feeling like a burger."

"Ok!  You got it."

Mitzi's Sister is a always wonderful place for dinner.  It's especially wonderful when there isn't a band playing and you can actually have a conversation.  Well...it's sometimes wonderful with a band playing but the acts that play are really hit and miss.  We had been here many times before for drinks, nachos, and wings - all of which are great.  However this is the first time we went for a meal meal, not just a finger foods meal.

So I ordered the burger.  ;)  Cheeseburger to be exact.  I got it with fries and a coke.  Jess ordered the chicken tacos with a house salad. 

Jess' Chicken Tacos

My burger came with a mix of sweet potato and regular fries which I didn't ask for but was a welcome surprise!  On my burger was some melted cheddar cheese, caramelized onions, pickles, tomatoes, lettuce, ketchup, mustard, relish, and LOVE with a capital L-O-V-E!!!  Maybe it was all the labour, the cold air, the stress, the annoyance, my still frozen hands, but whatever it was I seriously haven't stopped thinking about that burger.  I'm pretty sure if I went there under normal circumstances it wouldn't be as great as it was at that moment, but man what a beautiful fucking moment.  Every bite was better than the last.  Same with the fries!!!  Ok, I'm getting too excited here.

Jess also loved her Chicken tacos and the salad.  Hers came dressed with mango, onions, and red pepper with guacamole on the side and the salad was dressed in a slightly sweet vinaigrette.  I tried a few bites and liked it but, I'm sorry to say, I was still knee deep in burger country.  It's hard to wrap you palate around anything else when your still have residual mustard hangin' around, if you know what I mean.  But regardless of what I thought, Jess loved it and finished off her whole plate with little help from me.

So whats the lesson from this.  Restaurants are not just about the food you eat but the circumstance of your visit.  Has it been a good day, a stressful day, a busy day, and slow-ass day?  Is it raining?  Snowing?  Did you just get in a fight with someone?  Did you just watch Gaspar Noe's new movie Enter The Void? (you should, its great)  Because all these things inform and subsequently transform your dinner.  Just like in comedy, timing is everything.  And sometimes there is no substitute for food that feels like the hug from an overweight French Canadian woman (you should also see Léolo, its really great).

Rating:  4

MOTHER INDIA: 1456 Queen Street West - (416) 588-4634

Ok I admit it.  Starting a food blog around the holidays might have seemed like a great idea at the time but jeez, after all of my future mother/father-in-law's wonderful cooking, I probably didn't need to eat for another month.  Nevertheless, faithful readers, Jess used her pryin' bar and managed to roll me out of my obesity hammock so I can bring you yet another completely unqualified restaurant review in Parkdale.  This one I was excited about too.  Mother India restaurant!!!

James Kachan - Dinner guest

For this outing I was joined by the bastard love child of Cameron Diaz and Julien Assange, the wonderful photographer James Kachan.  James and I have known each other since the Ryerson days.  He also moved into my ever-missed Kensington apartment right after I left.  An excellent model, ridiculously good looking, and, most of all, a brilliant photog, he is unfortunately, a......a............a....................vegetarian.  There!  I said it!  Please don't judge me, or him.  K?

So we arrived on a cold winter's night.  I was pretty hungry, James only a little bit.  The decor of the place was pretty sparse.  A takeout counter at the front of the restaurant with some generic tables near the back.  I got the impression from the decor and lack of background music that they would prefer you order take out but we ventured on.  We were greeted by a lovely waitress who immediately brought us a caraffe of water and, what we both thought was a revelation, stainless steel water glasses.  I think we must have discussed it for three minutes.

The water glasses

For our appetizers we split a vegetarian samosa and a pakora.  Both were....well....kinda shitty.  I mean we ate the whole thing because the sauce was lovely.  Unfortunately though, both of them tasted pretty dry and reheated.  And worst of all, not reheated enough.  Things were not looking good for Mother India at this point.

However that all changed with the entrees!  As per the rules of this blog, we asked the waitress to recommend what the restaurant did best.  For James, he got a saag paneer roti which is filled with potatoes, spinach, and cheese.  For me, the waitress brought a butter chicken roti which was a little disappointing at first because I usually think of butter chicken as the Indian food dish for people who don't really like Indian food.

James' Saag Paneer roti

To our surprise, they were both fucking lovely!  The naan bread seemed fresh and with just the right amount of crisp.  James' saag paneer roti was pipping hot and full of flavour.  And fairly complex flavour too.  Not something you would expect for such an inexpensive price (around 7 bucks a roti).  My butter chicken roti was also delicious.  The flavours weren't nearly as interesting as James' dish but they were sweet and buttery and  I ate all I could until my belly was full and I wish I could have finished the whole thing.  James said this was a really telling point and I promised to include it in the blog.  James must have had better belly than mine because even though he wasn't as hungry as me, he finished off his whole plate.

Vegetarian Pakora

We asked for a desert recommendation and they suggested a gulab jamun.  Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, it never came.  The waitress came over and said that their batch wasn't looking particularly good and they didn't want to serve it to us.  So from there we just got the bill and spent the rest of the time discussing Wikileaks and the movie Knight and Day.

So all in all, this was a pretty good experience.  A completely unpretentious meal and really warmed us both up and didn't kill our wallets.  I think the total came to around $28 after tax and tip.  Jess has suggested I add a rating system to this blog which at first I resisted but then thought, why not?  There will be five ratings which will be mentioned at the end of each posting....

1. Avoid at all costs
2. I would not return
3. I would return
4. I would return and bring friends and/or my picky mother and/or my foodie Aunt Jenny
5. I will most likely lie awake at night fantasizing about that food much to the chagrin of my fiance.

I have eaten at many Indian restaurants however I admit that I haven't had too much experience with Indian rotis.  This one hits the middle. However that might change once I try out the other roti places in the neighbourhood.  Who's up for Ali's Roti in February???


UPDATE:  I went back again and decided this place needed a higher rating!  Its effing delicious!!!


Rating: 4